The Gift of Girlfriends
Michelle Obama (God bless the absolute Queen) has the right idea: girlfriends genuinely are a gift. To say that some of my favourite people on the planet are my female friends would be an understatement. From wading through terrifying changes, navigating heartbreak, moving halfway across the world, and mental health struggles, these women have always been by my side with the loudest cheers, warmest hugs, and kindest patience. They are pure light, infusing so much love and warmth into my life.
Regardless of women confessing how gratifying their friendships with other women are, there are always the inevitable needlers. Much to my annoyance, some of the first words that these people use to describe women and their friendship are “difficult,” “fragile,” “complicated.” That isn’t to say that female friendship is ethereal or has to be put on a pedestal because no one escapes arguments or the occasional rifts. As much as one adores their friends, friendship isn’t immune to miscommunication, spite, or just plain busyness. But having women around you who lift you up when you forget your self-worth, call out your bull with no filter, and laugh and cry with you deep into the night—that is something else.
Sometimes life veers off course, and rather violently at that. Amidst the maddening, disorienting, and painfully slow days that had me sinking into dark waters, my friends were in large part how I managed to maintain my sanity. Science backs up this fact. Women have relational selves that are distinct from men; in the thick of stressful situations, women gravitate towards “tend-and-befriend.” While usual stress responses result in cortisol release, a stress hormone that pushes you into “flight-or-flight,” the range of behaviours is more varied in women. Their brains flood with oxytocin, a feel-good hormone, and they feel the need to reach out to others. This produces more oxytocin, thereby mediating stress. Testosterone seems to weaken the calming effect of oxytocin. Estrogen, on the other hand, does not. Having your girlfriends by your side could even be life-saving; the Oncology Times finds women with early-stage breast cancer as having higher chances of recovery if they had strong social connections.
I don’t think there’s anything like receiving the love of people who choose to accept you and want you in their lives. The best moments of my friendships have never been the girls nights out, fancy dinners, or birthdays. The treasured memories with my girlfriends have been seemingly insignificant—dare I say, even the mundane ones. These women ate my sometimes disastrous kitchen experiments with no complaints. They were my safety when I was homesick and alone in a bustling metropolis. They sat on kitchen floors with me, talking about what we wanted from life. When life threw debt, illness, and death at us with no warning, we were there for each other. The quiet moments, the comfortable silences, and the knowing glances are the most precious to me.
In a world where #MeToo still hounds too many women, lack of access to equal opportunity is frequent, period poverty and stigma are perennial, and so much more that’s infuriating, female friendships are a beacon of hope, kindness, and love. My girls don’t just cheer for me to push forward when I want to give up; they inspire me to do more and be kind not only to others but also to myself. To the women who fought for me, accepted me, and above all, stayed by me, I am so grateful for you.
