The Truth Behind Seeking Validation: Affirmations Of the Self
We do it without trying, going out and seeking validation from others, in which we hold ourselves to their standards and not our own. I won't lie and say that it’s ok, but I will say that it is the human in us to do just so. The truth behind seeking validation is the hidden truth in all of us. We haven't learned to find completion within ourselves. This completion you will soon learn to feel within is not something that we are born with, it is not given. We are all raised differently and in truth, we are all hurt by something big or small. We go through so many things in life, and some of those things take a toll on who we are as a person, or who we eventually become. We don’t really move on, but rather take in what happened. Deep inside there is that small piece of us that wants comfort from others, we crave it, and feel that we need it. This piece of validation we search for is what we use to feel complete within. Deeming that, it can then be said that to feel complete without the need of what others say or how they make you feel, takes strength. A strength that we all either have, obtained from a long journey, or strength that most of us are searching for.
You are now probably thinking that everything I’ve said is spot on, but are wondering exactly what you do with this constant feeling of not being ok without the validation of what others think or believe of you. If I am being honest, I am on this road with you and what I’ve learned so far, is that affirmations help to relieve that feeling of not being ok without the “permission” to feel okay from others. The first affirmation you have to live by is the act of repetition. When I say to live by repetition, I mean you literally have to tell yourself everyday in which it is turned into a routine, telling yourself that you are enough for yourself and no matter how others feel, those “others” can never measure just how much you truly matter.
The type of affirmations I am talking about isn’t anything you can merely download from an app, and tell yourself, I'll receive these everyday and be ok. The affirmations needed for this journey are the ones from within. I remember telling myself, this shouldn’t be hard, I can download this “Sunshine” app, and I’ll read their affirmation of the day. In my tiny head I felt that I would find validation within myself with an app- now reread that and tell me what the problem is. We are searching for ourselves, the true person we want to embody, but we are looking in an app. Listen to yourself, what is it that you need, not what an app has to offer and hope it gives you what you need. The affirmations that you need in order to find yourself and feel completed within is something only you will know. Whether it be waking up and kissing the mirror every morning, or having to go workout every evening for whatever reason it may be.
Mindfulness. What a beautiful word, because by definition it means to basically be consciously self-aware. To understand yourself on a level others can not. It means to simply have a higher mind in which you hold an understanding of life and where you stand in it. Mindfulness, think about that. This path, this long aching path, how can one simply replace validation with mindfulness? I oddly find myself asking this in times where I become reliant on others to make me feel wholesome. “Joi, are you being mindful or are you being emotionally controlled by the idea that I am ok with what others think of me?” I answer, knowing I am telling fables, most of the time. I am being mindful. I struggle with the naked truth, as well as others.
It’s easy to sink into the arms of others’ declaration of who you are. Don’t though, because it is just as easy as being able to become wholefully mindful. Be consciously aware of yourself, and reflect. That is how one fights seeking validation. What comes with affirmations is the action of self-reflecting and being able to look within yourself from afar. To become mindful means you need to ground yourself with those affirmations and reflect on your growth. You have to manifest what you believe in by declaring what you represent, and desist from what “they” represent you as. To be able to look within yourself from afar, you have to find your true intentions in this life we live, and decide whether it's enough for you. In a way, you are back to reflecting. Everything that I am speaking of is what has to do with the self. I want to make you present of your “self” meaning your inner conscious. To conclude everything I’ve said, in order to stop looking outward, you have to affirm yourself from within.
Validation runs deeper than searching for acceptance. It’s a toxic habit we find ourselves sticking to in which we decide will help us to live day by day. The energy we pour into believing that we need others’ approval needs to be poured into ourselves with love. It’s up to you whether you want to spend a life figuring out if you are enough, instead of choosing to say out loud for yourself and the world that you are overflowing with radiance.