Why You're Sabotaging Relationships (And What to Do Instead)
Connecting with others is a special thing, but you might struggle with meeting people or keeping healthy relationships. You might push others away or start conflicts that, looking back on it, weren’t necessary. These patterns often stem from subconscious behaviors, past experiences, and current challenges, rather than being problems with your partner. Understanding why you sabotage relationships helps you break that cycle to create and maintain a close bond with someone.
Fear of Being Vulnerable
When you give yourself to someone emotionally, you are vulnerable. You share the past, including the good and not so good. That could leave you feeling like you’ll be judged for actions, especially if a partner has done that to you. Worrying about that, you put up walls. Unfortunately, that keeps you from fully connecting with the other person. You might even break up because you find more comfort in being alone than being vulnerable.
Thankfully, with time and practice, you can learn to feel more at ease with vulnerability. That involves slowly opening up to the other person, sharing thoughts and feelings bit by bit over time. That way, it’s less scary. That gives you the time you need to develop trust.
Low Self-Esteem
If you don’t think highly enough about yourself, you might push the other person away. Without realizing it, you think they’re too good for you, and it’ll never work out because of that. To save yourself heartache later, you break off the relationship. This could happen several times with different partners over the years. You might also pick fights about petty things because of self-doubt.
To increase self-image, you may need therapy or a support group. It’s also important to start being kinder to yourself. Notice when your thoughts are critical and challenge them, showing yourself the same kindness you’d show someone else.
Substance Use and Relationship Sabotage
Drug and alcohol addiction can seriously interfere with healthy relationships. Substance use can change your mood, behavior, and decision-making process, leading to verbal fights and lost trust. You might turn to drinking or drugs to cope with stress or unresolved trauma, but this often ends up pushing your partner away instead of being helpful.
Among the signs that substance use could be sabotaging your relationships are breaking promises, neglecting responsibilities, and emotionally withdrawing from your partner. Getting professional help in a residential treatment center can help you, as the rehab Boston team helps you safely recover and develop healthy coping mechanisms before returning to everyday life.
Fear of Commitment
You may have heard this one before. When you’re afraid of losing your independence, you might self-sabotage, from starting arguments to avoiding serious discussions. You might also make yourself unavailable when the other person needs your help.
Instead, try to communicate openly about what your worries are and what you need from the other person. Find a way to balance personal space with being close to someone in a way that helps you still feel like yourself.
Relationship sabotage can take many forms. You can break the cycle with the tips above to help you have healthier relationships.
