Assumptions About Being a Twin
Being a twin means being asked the same questions over and over again. Are you identical? Do you fight? Who’s older? Are you guys best friends like in the movies?
I have lived life side by side with my twin sister for nearly twenty years now, and still the questions are the same. I can answer the questions for you: we are not identical, we fight occasionally, I’m older, and although we are close, she acts like my sibling not my friend.
Being only a minute apart means we have truly never spent any time alone. There’s always someone else to think about. If something bad happens to her, I feel terrible about it. If our parents punish one of us, both of us take the fall. I’ve gone through life with everyone calling us “the twins.” We’ve shared the same friends for most of our lives, have been in the same classes multiple times, and even go to the same college, living in the same apartment.
Of course we have a great sisterhood, otherwise I would have never even considered living under the same roof with her in college. But a lot of pressure comes with being a twin that people may not assume comes with it right away. Everyone thinks it’s like having a super close friend to do everything with, but there is a whole world of comparisons that comes with it.
Everywhere we go, we’re compared to one another. This almost makes you want to take on a certain role and do anything to distinguish yourself. I have always struggled with this growing up. If we act too similar, everyone treats us like we are the same person. So, we’ve naturally found where we belong and kept some parts of ourselves very distant from one another. My sister has always been more outgoing and better with numbers where I have been funny and kept more to myself. She likes Instagram and fashion, and I like Twitter and TV shows. She sleeps in. I wake up early. She likes to relax, and I’m moving at all times.
Our teachers have constantly compared our grades and attitudes. Even many of our friends that we’ve shared in common have made it clear who they prefer. When I was in middle school, we were always put up against each other to see who knew more on different subjects or who was the “better twin.”
Being compared to my own sister has taught me a lot. Mainly that whoever I meet is going to compare us, even when they wouldn’t do so if we introduced ourselves as friends. I don’t blame them because I feel like it would be hard not to automatically do so. It has been a lot to grapple with. I’ve always wondered if I was going to grow up in her shadow, even when I tried my hardest to be my own person. I’ve always wondered if everything I like or own is really mine, when I’ve had to share it with someone else for so long.
But I’ve learned that I cannot pay that much mind. People are going to compare us no matter how I act, so there’s no point in being something I am not. There is no point in trying to be just as good as she is at something or vice versa. She is my sister, not my competition.
It’s true that sometimes when I see my sister, I feel like I’m falling behind in some aspects of my life. But through spending more time together, I’ve realized that she will be here for me at all times and I’ll do the same for her. When either of us are upset or excited, the other can comprehend it on a level most other people can’t. We sometimes joke that we didn’t talk in middle school because our actual conversations were so few and far between. Now we talk about a lot of things. We have made a conscious effort to get closer and understand each other better. We sometimes argue over trivial subjects, but we always make up and our sisterhood is stronger because of it.
All of this is not to say there’s not a clear good side to having a twin. We have a lot of the same interests when it comes to pop culture, so when we want to watch a film or attend a concert, there’s almost always someone to do it with. We stand up for each other and keep each other company at family parties. It’s kind of like a friend for life that I was blessed with at birth. I know that if other people don’t have my back, at least my sister does.
