Indian Music: Why I Miss it and Why I Want to Hear it Again
Born and raised in America, I feel that my relationship with my Indian heritage has been tested many times. The distinction between my American and Indian self mostly manifested in differences in upbringing, art forms, language, and even awareness at times. Lately, Indian music has become a certain aspect of my heritage that I want to explore more. Particularly, I want to explore why I don’t listen to Indian music as much anymore and what type of feelings I experience when I do hear it.
My childhood was littered with Indian songs and the language my parents and grandparents speak at home, Gujurati. My dad had one CD that he would always play on long drives with the same 20 songs. My sister and I would cover our ears every time he put it on, but by the time we were seven, it was too late—we knew all the words. Even though I acted like I hated it, I knew all the words and that made it fun; especially since I could no longer speak Gujurati, only understand it by that age. Knowing the words to these songs made me feel important in a way. We would see these Hindi songs in Bollywood movies and beg our dad not to skip through them because it was special, it was beautiful. And, contrary to popular belief, the tacky ones are always the most fun.
Then, I started learning Bharatanatyam, a classical Indian dance form. Every Thursday night was filled with classical Indian music or a new Bollywood fusion song. We would learn the meaning behind each lyric each time we started a new dance. By the time I quit dance at the age of seventeen, I had learned so much about Indian music, rhythm, and flow. And still, I took it all for granted.
In high school, I even joined an Indian dance club. This was just for fun and mostly carefree dancing with my friends to more Bollywood or Indian hip-hop music. But it made me feel connected and a part of a community of people who appreciated Indian music and culture. It made me feel proud to be Indian, something I hadn’t always felt.
Now, as a sophomore in college, it’s been over a year and a half since I’ve really heard Indian music. Sure, I’ll hear a Mickey Singh song once in a while and think “Okay, not bad,” but you know what I mean. I’ve forgotten most of the words to all my dad’s favorite songs, I don’t really watch Indian movies anymore, and I’ve probably only danced once or twice since leaving dance school until I was at an open-mic event at my university and one guy came up to sing. I didn’t even recognize that it was an Indian song, but I saw a friend of mine singing along, and he turned to the person next to him who said this song always makes her cry. They laughed and sang along, and I just sat there in awe. I felt so un-Indian but still so appreciative of my culture and how it brought people together. I didn’t understand a single word, and I couldn’t make much out of the rhythm anymore. But I loved it just the same.
I mark that moment as something much like a new beginning. Since then, I’ve been thinking a lot more about my connection to my culture. Even though I have a lot of feelings of regret when it comes to learning Gujurati and listening to Indian music again, I’ve added a couple of my favorites back onto my playlist. I think it’s time for me to feel connected to Indian heritage on a daily basis because it is one of the things that inspires me the most and, over the years, has helped me grow into who I am today.
