How to Support Your Teen's Relationship
Maybe you thought that, once the sleepless nights, teething and diapers were out the way, bringing up your kids was going to be smooth sailing. But just as soon as you think they’re starting to communicate better, gain some independence and contribute to home life, they become teenagers. Puberty hits and everything changes. One of the most significant parts of their lives as adolescents will be the relationships they form, both friendships and dating. Although you might not like the idea of it, they will almost inevitably go on dates. It might be just one person, or you might lose track of their partners, but however they’re managing they love lives, try and be there for them throughout. Here’s how…
Give Suggestions not Solutions
Nobody likes being told what to do, and teenagers are no exception to this rule. Remember, they’re figuring out how to be adults and are trying different attitudes and personalities on for size. Rather than giving them the answer, or telling them how you managed a similar situation, remember that they want to make their own decisions. So, instead of informing them of things, preface your solutions with questions. Instead of statements, try saying things like:
- What do you think would work here?
- Have you thought about… etc
Once they’ve had a chance to respond, it’ll be much easier for you to help them troubleshoot their thoughts and they will feel like they’ve been allowed some autonomy.
Get involved
No – we don’t mean go along too! But ask them what they’re getting up to and, if they have uncertainties (probably), adopt a ‘let’s find out together’ attitude. Try researching teen date ideas with them to give them some inspiration for what they can do with their partner.
The Sex Chat
It’s extremely difficult to navigate this one, but it should be part of the conversation you’re having with your teen, or teens, so they know what a healthy relationship should look like. One of the best ways to raise the issue is to wait until sex comes up in a song or a movie and then ask them what they think. You can ease yourself into this but asking about the relationship and if they think it’s a good, happy relationship, or not and why.
Grit Your Teeth
They might well be dating someone you can’t stand, but unless that person is actively causing a problem in your teen’s life, just the fact that you don’t like them is not enough to start an argument. Imagine how you would behave if it was your best friend in that relationship. You might not say anything at all but, if you did, you would say it gently and with every intention of maintaining your relationship with that friend. If you are planning on having that kind of conversation with your teen, take however tactful you’d be with a friend and quadruple it! They might interpret your concern as interfering, and this will push them away. Hopefully they’ll see the light and move on in the near future. Or you’ll be putting up with their partner for Thanksgiving for the next few years.
However you do it, remember that dating is meant to be fun. If you’re resisting and making it difficult for them to express themselves, they will feel isolated or ever try to push you away. Be part of the conversation and let them know you’re there to support them, not stop them.