How ‘The Defining Decade’ Book Changed My Perspective as I Start My 20’s
As I’ve spent the last four months quarantined in my house, I’ve been looking for ways to become more aware of myself and the world around me. Turning 20 in quarantine wasn’t how I expected to spend my first step into a new decade, but it made me realize one thing: the future is unpredictable but not unplannable.
This pandemic has made me feel like I don’t have control over so many different aspects of my life, including my future. And that’s why The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now was precisely what I needed to read. This book outlines lessons for all twenty-somethings based on Dr. Meg Jay’s therapy sessions with clients in their 20s and 30s. The book may not prepare me for how to make sense of life during a pandemic, but it made me recognize that my actions matter, big and small, and what I do now, will shape who I will become.
The book is broken into three sections: “Work”, “Love”, and “The Brain and Body”.
I was particularly excited to read the “Work” section! As I’m still a student and am trying to break into the entertainment industry, my “work” life is centered around gaining experience. At times, especially during quarantine, I found myself stuck creatively and struggled to find work for this summer. The “Work” section echoed my fears of not finding a job, and it was comforting to know I’m not the only twenty-something worried about not “making it.” But it also changed my perspective on what counts as work. Of course, it’s essential to get paid for work, but sometimes our day jobs can’t be our dream jobs. This book made me realize that my passion projects can become my work experience! I can use the skills I gain from being creative in my own ways to get a dream job that pays. And in the meantime, entry-level or lower-paying jobs can still give me invaluable people and organization skills. An example that jumped out at me was when author Dr. Meg Jay highlighted that we should pick jobs based on their relevance and what skills they can give us. So, if we’re planning on going into marketing and our options are between a barista or a front desk assistant at a consulting agency, picking the assistant job is the way to go, even if it sounds less fun and isn’t the type of marketing job we envisioned! This section includes plenty of advice like this and made me feel comforted and prepared to make decisions once I graduate college!
I didn’t think I’d like the “Love” section as much. I’ve just turned 20 and I don’t think I’ll be in a lifelong relationship until I’m much older. Yet, this book put love into perspective for me. Love is magical and beautiful, but also challenging. There are big decisions, like moving in together, having the same friends, having pets together, etc. that surround a relationship and make us stay in a relationship longer than we should. I never thought about these factors, to be honest. I’ve always looked at love with a “you know when you know” philosophy. Now I see that love should be as intentional as it is spontaneous.
The “Brain and Body” section focuses on many different parts when it comes to the development of the 20-year-old brain. The biggest stand out in this section was the discussion of fertility. I’ve known my whole life that I don’t want to be married or have kids. But this section made me question what has made me so firm in not wanting a family and if I’m 100% sure that’s what 25-year-old or 30-year-old me will want. Honestly, I’m not sure. But I know that these next few years are the deciding years. As daunting as that sounds, I don’t feel scared. It’s nice to know that I’ll have to decide in my twenties; it gives me a timeline. I’ve been victim to the story Dr. Jay presents: twenty-somethings imagine their twenties to be the ultimate dream- with partying, living life to fullest, testing out relationships, and jumping from job to job to see what sticks. But she’s right when she says we all need timelines and due dates. Life doesn’t give deadlines to us as college does, so we have to make our own. If I don’t decide whether I want a family or not before it’s too late, life will decide for me. There’s a strange comfort in knowing I get to choose and by when.
This book was the perfect read during quarantine. The world feels like it’s spinning too fast and at a standstill all at once. The future seems so far away and unimaginable at times. But it isn’t, and I don’t want my future to feel like it isn’t mine. Most importantly, this book made me realize that life starts in my twenties, but it doesn’t stop there. I don’t have to cram in a life’s worth of adventures into one decade, but I have to decide what experiences I want to take now and how they will affect me later. If you’re like me and feel a little lost right now, this read will make you feel more prepared for the decisions and life changes ahead. Our twenties are an exciting time to try new things and find the things we want to keep in our lives for the decades to come. Trust me, you won’t regret this read!
