Keeping in Touch with Old Friends: Growing Separately Without Growing Apart
It seems unavoidable that at one point in our lives we are going to lose a friend, either because that friendship has run its course, conflict, or simply because sometimes people simply grow apart. However, slowly losing ties with someone because your lives are going in different directions can be inevitable if you don’t put in the effort and go the extra mile to make sure your friendship is just as strong as it used to be.
My friends and I have all moved away from home for university and are all navigating our friendships the best we facetime whenever we get the chance to, be it to talk about the most mundane stuff, really big things that are important to us, or everything in between. We send each other “snaps” of random things we find interesting or funny. We text each other good night and try to be just as close as we used to be when we were physically in the same place. Whether we vent our feelings to each other or simply talk about the ups and downs of our everyday lives, this is something that helps us feel like even though there’s physical distance between us, we are all still there for each other. It’s really the little things that go a long way.
Even though moving to a new city and starting somewhere new with new people can make it easy to just make new friends and forget our old ones, in a way, however, keeping in touch with people who have proven to be true friends you could trust in the past, can be beneficial for your mental health. Knowing that you have someone you can confide in and trust fully can make you feel less lonely and way happier. So, if you want to keep your old friends close, try to hang out in person as much as possible! Make plans for the next time you are going to meet in person. Time flies and trying to squeeze in a lot of activities in a short period of time is exhausting, so get your calendars and to-do lists out and start planning fun dinners and movie marathons. Even though this may not be possible at times, make plans in advance as our busy lives often get in the way and people easily get distracted and disconnected.
Social media, if used wisely, can also help us keep in touch with old friends. While I do not recommend scrolling mindlessly on Instagram for hours just to see what all your friends are up to at all times, DMing a cute picture of a dog to your best friends as a “good morning” text, might be a good idea (trust me on this one.) This is just a silly example, but it really shows that you thought about your friend and still care. Remember that people lose friendships when they stop making an effort so try to take advantage of the technology available to keep in touch and make plans with the people you care about.
Friends are one of the most important people in my life and having meaningful friendships is a truly beautiful and invaluable thing. So, as Elisabeth Foley, an American professor, beautifully puts it: “The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.” My best friends and I now live in three different countries so this rings true to me, and I’m sure a lot of young adults embarking on their college journeys.