Making Love Languages Work For You
Love languages have been doing the rounds for a while now. But unless you really dig into them, it can feel like just another thing you need to do to keep your relationship healthy. The quick explanation is that Dr.Chapman, over the space of 30 years of marriage counseling, noticed that there were five unique ways in which people need to be communicated with. And that when those love languages are used, both partners in the relationship will thrive.
It is no surprise that in order to keep a marriage strong and healthy, you need to take care of the other person, yourself and each other as a couple too. Here are some ways that you can make love languages work for you.
Avoid Words As Weapons
Words can quick tear down and destroy someone. And, they can take far longer to move beyond than you might think. Unhappy relationships typically have a lot of negative and cutting words between the partners. And, when left unresolved, those words fester and can leave lasting damage.
Cold Shoulder
There can be occasions where you or your partner’s mind is elsewhere. And it might be to the point you feel like you are being ignored and given the cold shoulder. There are a few things you can do here. If you are the one giving the cold shoulder, look at the reasons why and talk to your partner about it. Resolve to make them a priority. And, if you are getting the cold shoulder - tell your partner how you are feeling and tell them what you need in order not to feel like you are second best.
Touch
Unless you are currently getting sponsored by Durex because you are entangled all the time. The chances are you could do with some extra help in the physical department. A hug from someone you love, for two minutes or more releases a considerable amount of oxytocin. All of those lovely happy hormones rush around your body. So as you can imagine, the more you hold hands, hug, and have sex with your partner, those more of the love and happy hormones there will be. And it is the little things too. Things like stroking your partner’s hair, drawing circles on their palms, or kissing their forehead all, have a huge impact.
Gifts
This will work for some and not for others. Some people will appreciate a gift from someone to show their affection and care. Others will see it as a bribe. But if you are going to get a gift, then get something that is going to show your partner that you listen and know them. If they are often talking about a particular brand of notebook, a pen or shoes. Pay attention, and when the time is right, then get them something.
Gifts aren’t just big things either. Gestures like doing extra chores, topping the petrol in the car up, or making the bed. These are all gifts too.
Service
As mentioned above, gestures and acts of service are a really big deal. For example, if your partner is the one who does all of the cleaning, cooking, school runs, and more - and you go to work and come home again, think about how you can make it easier for them. What can you do that will lighten the load? Making your partner a coffee in a thermos that they can grab and go, or preparing all of the lunches, or even heating the car up for them. Think about what you can do that will make a difference in their life.
Bribe
If you have messed up, then don’t be the person who shows up with flowers or another ‘gift.’ This is one of the quickest ways to say ‘I did something wrong, forgive me’ sure, but it isn’t the best way to do it. Communicating that you understand what you did that was hurtful, and talking about why it happened and how to avoid it is more potent than any apology gift can be.
Lazy
It is often the case that people don’t see how lazy they have gotten. People slip into doing the same thing day in and day out. Which means you begin to miss the smaller stuff. Laziness can turn into selfishness too. Consider your relationship as a partnership - not just a marriage. If you see your partner cleaning, cooking, or being busy - look for ways to help or directly ask what you can do to make the process faster and easier.