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 Picking Up the Pieces After Divorce

Picking Up the Pieces After Divorce

When we were younger, we all had this idea in our heads that we would get that one person that we would spend our lives with forever. We had the wedding all planned out, where we would live, the number of kids we would have, where we would go for holidays amongst other fantasies.

However, the reality of marriage is very different. Sometimes the person you thought you were to be with forever may not be the one for you. You can therefore mutually decide to part ways and start a new life on your own or with someone else. Divorce is not easy on any of the parties involved and the healing process can take a long time.

When it is through mutual agreement, the process is usually amicable and in some instances, people go on to co-parent very successfully while remaining good friends. However, sometimes it can get ugly necessitating the involvement of lawyers, arbitrators etc. Issues of alimony, spousal support after remarriage and child support, rear their ugly heads leading to bitter feuds that may take years to resolve.

So how do you pick up the pieces after divorce?

Allow yourself to grieve

The most important thing is to allow yourself to mourn the loss of a relationship. You will go through a range of emotions as you try to process what has happened to you. There will be episodes of dejection, loss, anger, and sadness. It will be harder for you if you have been together with the person for a long time. Allow yourself to grieve, forgive yourself and accept that the relationship is over. Only then can you move on and be in a position to start a new relationship.

Evaluate yourself

As painful as this may be, sometimes you may have been the reason why the relationship did not work out, or you may have played a role without even realizing it. By evaluating yourself you will be able to understand what you did wrong and what you could do better in the next relationship. Be honest with yourself and understand how you may have contributed whether positively or negatively in the relationship and use the analysis to build yourself up into a stronger individual.

Do not rush into new relationships

Most people will rush into relationships with the hope of numbing the pain arising from the breakup of their current relationship. Rebound relationships rarely last. Give yourself time to be single because only then can you be able to work on yourself as an individual.

Remember, you cannot love another person if you do not love yourself. Learning to love yourself again after a relationship can be difficult because you will go through episodes of questioning yourself as an individual. However, with the appropriate time and counseling, if you need it, you'll be able to come out a stronger individual. Surround yourself with positive people and do not be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

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