5 Dangers Of Grieving A Bad Breakup Too Long
Your love life is going smoothly until it isn’t any longer. A small bump in the road can lead to a monumental change in your lifestyle. As Amy Winehouse once crooned, maybe love is a losing game. Once the worst happens, it’s difficult to get out of the inevitable funk which follows. A huge part of your life is over and it’s only natural to mourn. How long is enough? One month? Two, three or four? What about half a year?
Some breakups are that bad that one party never fully gets over the shock. They pretend like they don’t care, yet they are cut up inside. It’s pretty legitimate to struggle with your emotions, but letting the negativity linger for too long is a mistake. It only makes things worse as the feelings of sadness and paranoia merge to create a toxic cocktail.
You’ve seen it happen a thousand times before, yet, when it comes to you, it’s almost impossible to spot the warning signs. To help prevent you from hitting rock bottom, below are five dangers of grieving for too long. Before you ask, yes – these are genuine. In fact, all five are common in some form.
A Permanent Lack Of Self-Confidence
For the most part, it doesn’t matter what the other person did. Maybe he was a serial polygamist and didn’t believe in monogamy. Or, perhaps he was abusive, physically or emotionally, and wasn’t a positive influence. Sometimes, it’s the fact that he broke up with you when you didn’t see it coming. The result is the same: introspection. Everyone wants to figure out why it happened, and it’s easy to criticize yourself for your failings.
As a rule, this is a terrible thing because it puts the blame squarely on your shoulders. It takes two to tango, ladies. Secondly, it encourages you to believe that you are not good enough and will continually blow your chance at love. It’s the “maybe I’ll never find love again” syndrome. The longer you’re in a funk, the stronger the emotions will get over time.
Remember the corny cliché about there being plenty of fish in the sea at this moment. Chances are, you’ll go on to meet an amazing guy and have an incredible family because he was the problem, not you. And, if not, isn’t it better to be single than in a relationship with a guy who’s a total jerk?
When news breaks, the people that love you the most will be by your side. A girl can count on her family and her BFFs, especially during a breakup. Only a classy support group can make you see the light. However, they’re not angels with the patience of saints. They’re human beings that want to see you recover and get back out into the world and enjoy life.
So, don’t be surprised when their love and tolerance begin to wane. In reality, it’s natural because there is only so long a loved one can be a shoulder on which to cry. Sometimes, they need to hand out the tough love and say “hey, it’s time to act like an adult and be mature.” Otherwise, they run the risk of spending their weekends sitting in watching reruns of sitcoms and eating ice-cream.
Although this is a difficult time for you, it’s important to understand the strain on their lives. You’re asking them to give up a lot for your sake, so the key is to return the favor. Take a look in the mirror and gather the strength to go on a girls’ night out. Or, just pretend to have a good time even when you’re not feeling one-hundred percent. After all, perception is the reality.
Believing There Is Only One Way Out
Don’t worry because this isn’t as morbid as the heading might sound. When you spend time cooped up inside and ignoring friends and the real world, you dig yourself into a hole. People want to put up a ladder and climb out yet there is a problem. Have you gone too far? Are you past the point of no return?
Being stuck in a rut makes it seem as there is no way to recover. The friends you used to have won’t understand because they are super mad. Your family is disappointed and has lost respect. Mutual friends will stare at you and wonder where you’ve been this past couple of months. It’s all too much to bear. So, there is only one way out: starting anew.
Moving seems like a decent alternative because no one will know your history in Cleveland, Ohio. Perhaps a change of scenery is a wise choice, but you shouldn’t let your emotions dictate the decision-making process. Remember that, regardless of your actions, saying sorry and making an effort is enough to rebuild bridges. Moving is running away from your problems.
Turning To The Bottle
If ever there were a cliché which wasn’t true, it’s this one. People don’t become alcoholics after a bad breakup. Sure, there’s plenty of drinking and rebound sex to get over a guy, but addiction is unlikely. That’s what you think, yet the specialists at Sandy's Place would disagree. They’ve seen their fair share of substance abuse and relationships can act as a trigger.
To be honest, it’s hard to listen when alcohol makes everything feel numb. However, you’ve got to remember the mind won’t recover until you’re sober. By all means, blow off the cobwebs with friends and forget about Mr X for a while.
But, do it in moderation. Getting lost in exercise or your career is a much healthier alternative.
Waiting Too Long
As you move from your twenties into your thirties, it’s important to keep life goals in mind. Do you want kids? When? Waiting too long to bounce back can put your aspirations on hold, which is a heavy price to pay for one guy. No one is saying have kids right away, but think about what you are giving up by not letting go.
Is the prospect of falling into one of the traps scary? What are you going to do about it?