What It’s Like to Have a Boyfriend That Truly Loves You
“I don’t want to get hurt again.”
I cannot count the number of times I’ve muttered this dreadful sentence to myself at night. The people and the events that had made me say this, cast out a storm of emotions and as a result, my poor diary had become a jungle of madness. In poem books and stories today, you read about peoples’ heartbreaks and how much it took a toll on them. And reading them out of curiosity, I, foolishly, never thought there would be a day where I would have a similar story. But as time went on, I started to draw tally marks for my own heartbreaks. And they kept coming. “When is it going to end?” I would ask myself. Slowly, but surely, my trust for this world and all the men in it had diminished.
When terrible things happen to you, your heart becomes numb to the pain in the world. You stop realizing that those things are bad for you and sometimes, you just decide to go with the flow. Colors turn to grey and your taste for things shrivel until you’re salivating for plain nothingness. Food doesn’t taste good anymore so you try to fill yourself up to the max and your hobbies don’t attract you like they used to do. This is what the girls who shared their stories went through…and more than ever, I could relate. I finally realized the density of a heartbreak. And needless to say, it took a great, big toll on me.
Whether it be a small or a long-term crush, every single person that I pursued either used me to play around or told me that I wasn’t good enough for them. Soon enough, their words took action and I started to think that there was something wrong with me. I would think to myself, “Maybe it’s the way I look or the way I talk. Maybe I’m just not attractive in any way possible.” But that’s not it. It’s definitely not it. And I realized this because I finally found someone who told me otherwise.
My boyfriend: Tall, skinny, average guy. Never expected us to date or go anywhere beyond first base, but I remembered that life is really full of surprises and that literally anything can happen. And if I may add, he is one of the few people I truly hold dear to.
This is why.
When someone loves you, you can see it written all over their face. Their words speak it and even their actions speak it. For the longest time, I wondered what it really felt like to receive this type of love. And this is exactly what I learned from my boyfriend.
Every time we are together, he looks at me like nobody ever has before. Most of the time, my makeup has already melted and my face is sprinkled with blemishes, yet he tells me that I am beautiful. He has kind eyes, but it feels as if he’s staring a hole into my soul. I often ask what he’s looking at, but without an answer, he gazes at me sweetly and I cannot help but to be grateful for that golden silence. In everything I do, he encourages me. If I am tired of work and school, he shows me through his actions by working extra hard when he is twice as tired as I am. If I am in a sucky situation, he’ll comfort me. And if I am being stubborn or unsavory, he’ll lovingly correct me. Every single time I meet him, I learn something new. It’s what I am most thankful for. I realize that when you love somebody that actually cares about you, you start to notice your flaws, but rather than making you dwell on them, they pick you up and love you even more.
And so, willingly I give my heart, too. I mean, who wouldn’t? Of course people have different values of love, but for the very first time in my life, I learned for myself that this is what it’s like to have a boyfriend that truly loves you. And God knows if I am sane or not, but when you realize this, you start hearing your very own orchestra playing music for you in your head. It happens all the time. Whenever my eyes meet his, every second gets slower and suddenly, the place that I am in doesn’t matter. Suddenly, my heartbreak tally-marks don’t hinder me anymore.
Lastly, you know he loves you when you worry about the same things – worrying that the other might leave. It’s hard to do so, but you have to trust in love and that all its values in itself are a promise and commitment. Sometimes, it amazes me to call someone like my boyfriend, mine. He keeps me warm and constantly attracts me with his thoughtfulness and wonderful personality. And so I strive to become the girlfriend that is in love with him, who shows him as much warmth and security as he does for me. He is truly a blessing from heaven. He is my definition of a loving boyfriend.
This is love. We are in love…