Becoming Without You

Natalie.

Friend.

My heart breaks writing this. 

There’s so much I didn’t say. 

So much I don’t understand. 

With your beautiful curly hair and pearly white teeth, with a laugh so contagious and a heart filled with joy. You were the strongest person I’ve ever met, unfazed by others opinions. 

From the moment we met, it was a never ending rollercoaster. One I never wanted to get off.

We shared everything, from our secrets to the Shah’s Halal Cart on 165th street. 

We were destined for friendship, and so it began with your mother always calling my phone, “Where is Natalie?” 

I wish I could tell her now. 

We grew alongside each other with a perfect combination of wild and crazy. The world was our oyster and we were set on conquering it. But you had more left to conquer, more left to change with that smile of yours. 

But math was our enemy. 

We thought Algebra was hard? Just wait till we got to Trig. Our little teenage brains were scrambled by math problems and too many Dunkin Donuts iced caramel lattes.

But you always kept me motivated, You knew me better than I knew myself, knew my strengths, knew what I couldn't handle. But right now, I’m learning to handle life without you. 

When life got too much for us, we’d escape in our own little adventures. We didn’t know where we were going; we’d just follow where life took us. I remember the times we’d take the bus to the last stop, just because we didn't want to go home. But you became my home as I was finding who I was, who I wanted to be. You were always there to guide me, even in Heaven right now.

You illuminated every room you walked into, knowing how to make everyone smile.

But your smile could transform anybody’s day. It beamed of happiness and positivity. Your kindness was irreplaceable, as you loved everyone so deeply. You showed me how to love unconditionally.

I hope you knew how special you were to so many people. We all feel your absence everyday, the girl who burst with color and danced with laughter. I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to become a doctor, get married, and have ridiculous names for your kids.

You showed me Love. Kindness. Friendship. Strength. 

I have never cried or laughed so much with anyone but you. You gave me memories for a lifetime. 

You gave me my purpose in this lifetime. 
Sincerely, 

Angie.