Learning to Love Myself

In the world of social media, it’s hard to love yourself. I have long said that I love how I look and that I have no issues with self love. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that the first step towards self love is self acceptance.

Back in high school, I was the girl who didn’t care how she looked. I would weave my oiled hair into a shabby braid and wear clothes that my mum got me two years ago or the ones that were handed down to me by my sister. Don’t get me wrong but I loved being that person. It was my comfort zone. I was perfectly content and happy.

I felt the exact same way when I started college in the Fall of 2018. However, a few weeks into my semester, I started feeling increasingly conscious of myself. I was surrounded by people who looked amazing and it just seemed like they had their entire life together. And then there was me: still wearing clothes from India, still in oily braids and still not wearing makeup. Everything that I used to be comfortable with suddenly seemed repelling to me. I started hating everything about myself and it sent me to such a bad place that I spent a whole weekend surviving just on a jar of Nutella without talking to anyone.

That just didn’t feel like me. I am a happy go-lucky person who loves to talk, laugh, and meet people. I realised that I needed to sit down with myself and figure out what the problem was. I obviously didn't want to spend the rest of my life sitting in a dark corner eating Nutella. The more I reflected upon myself, the more I understood that I had problems with my self image. I had never had to feel ‘pretty’ to feel good and I argued with myself that I shouldn’t feel the need to, but I did. I did want to feel pretty, and somehow I felt guilty for wanting that.

Weeks later and after watching numerous Youtube videos about self love, I bought myself a little cheap makeup from a Black Friday sale. I remember standing in front of my bathroom mirror with my freshly purchased makeup and not knowing what to do. Thank god for makeup tutorials, I figured out a minimalistic everyday makeup routine exactly like the one I wanted. Now this might sound pretentious but when I was done, I looked at myself in the mirror feeling more confident than ever before.

So to my freshman self, you don’t need makeup and cute clothes to feel good about yourself but if you ever feel like you need that, do not be afraid to try something new and different. Do what makes you happy and confident. The best you isn’t necessarily the old you. Life is a journey and it’s completely alright to change with every new stop along the way. You’ll be fine, just start loving yourself!