How to Sweeten Things Up When A Marriage Goes Sour
It is natural in all relationships, to experience tough patches. It is human nature to struggle with people close to you in one way or another. This is not only for friendships and family relationships but for romantic ones, too. A few months or years into even the most loving relationship can bring tension in a relationship.
Investing the time and money into a good relationship counsellor can help couples to navigate through difficulties in their marriage. Problems in marriage need rescuing, not ignoring.
Here are some of the things that may be worked through with a therapist.
List all of the things that spark disagreements
This should include all of the things that you both fear talking about due to a fear of running into disagreements. Doing so will help to identify any potential issues within the relationship. If it seems impossible to write just a few things on the list because you argue about everything, then this determines that the issues run deeper than simple misunderstandings.
Fix Yourself first
Relationships are about more than one person. Attempting to, or even suggesting changing your partner can invite defensiveness because nobody likes to be told that they are doing things wrong. Simply put, start with working on what YOU can do differently in the relationship before making any digs at your spouse.
If both of you seek to facilitate your own changes individual, the likelihood is that your marriage will blossom as a result of you both trying hard.
Express Concerns, Constructively
Doing this opens the doors to honest and open discussions. Ensure that they are not accusatory comments, but comments that demonstrate how you feel. Here are some examples of ways to open up a dialogue which limit the potential for conflict.:
My concern is….
I feel/felt (one word eg- sad, anxious, scared) ...when/ that (what it’s about?)
What are your thoughts about….?
I would like to (and never use I would like YOU to…)
How would you….?
I love it when…
Attempt to move away from unhealthy, accusatory comments which go nowhere.
The Three A’s That Destroy Marriages.
Addictions, excessive Anger and Affairs are all marriage deal-breakers and should be out of bounds in a healthy marriage. If these problems are in the marriage, attempting to save this relationship as it is, could be a fruitless task.
Marriage is designed for couples to support each other through sickness and in health, but it is also knowing when to start again. Failures in marriages can also be used as a learning curve. Sometimes marriages just don’t work, and that’s OK. Use these experiences to heal and to work out what can be done differently in the future.
If there are children involved, never ‘stay together for the sake of the children’- children need to learn how to manage their emotions in a healthy way, and the way they do this is through watching their parents.
Let them learn, too how to move on from hurt and process things healthily.
End the old marriage- build a new marriage with the same partner, where there are no affairs, anger, or addictions. Instead, build one on trust, communication and unconditional love.