Ask Away: September

Hello. I'm kind of stuck with what to do about this, so any advice would be great.  I have been best friends with this guy since I was in Kindergarten. We're now seniors in high school. He and I were at a party last weekend, and he got really drunk. Like, super drunk. So much so that he started talking to his guy friends about how women should "stay in the kitchen" and other things like that. He's never come off that way before, especially when he was sober...so why now? How do I reconcile the fact that he's my best friend but he has really opposite world views from me, now that we're getting older? Am I supposed to end our friendship because I overheard him talking this way? Thanks for your help.

Hi BFF,

Unfortunately, overconsumption of alcohol can and often does lessen inhibitions and saying things that most would not say when sober can stem from that. You said that he was talking to guy friends. How much of the conversation did you hear? Were they saying the same things as he was? Did someone else start the conversation? If so, this could just be a case of alcohol + trying to fit in with his guy friends. Or, unfortunately, it could be that he actually believes this and his lack of sobriety stopped him from being able to hide his true beliefs.

I’ll get back to that in a minute.

Though what he said isn’t a good look, what also caught my attention was his getting super drunk at the party. Teens and young adults drink, and teens and young adults overdrink, but if this is a regular occurrence, there may be a bigger issue than what his views on women may be.

Back to his comments. Whether this is really how he feels (extremely problematic) or if he was just trying to fit in with his guy friends (still possibly a red flag if he feels the need to just fit in instead of voice his true opinion around friends other than you), you have to ask yourself two questions before moving forward: are you ready to find out the truth and are you ready to perhaps end a long-term friendship if what is revealed is not to your liking?  

Only you know the answers to these questions. If you do choose to ask him about it, make sure you’re prepared for whatever comes next because there’s no going back.  

Alana

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