Finding Yourself vs. Creating Yourself
Do you remember from your first swimming lessons learning to glide underwater? If you’re uncoordinated as I am, after a few seconds, the instructor tapped you, and you came up for air. The obvious thing I noticed was, much to my irritation from exerting myself, I’d barely moved. The second was, while the instructor was kind enough to commend my efforts, she took me through the basics a few more times. It took a few lessons to get it right, but after much frustration and giving up severally.
In a world that insists on self-awareness and other self-related practices, it is painful when you look up one day in your late twenties and realize you’ve hardly moved; at least not with regards to self-actualization. A slip and fall lawyer Toronto based finding themselves stalking an English tutor in Bali might feel they are suddenly out of breath when they realize they are nowhere close to what they want. These tools are fantastic, but if not coupled with feedback, tweaks, and changes in techniques, it’s a problem. You’ll swim for a few more years, and when you come up for air, you’ll have a breakdown, fall into a depression pit and wonder why you’re alive.
Finding yourself carries with it a stillness that most people don’t couple with action. If you’ve come across A Course in Miracles and Marianne Williamson lectures, you’ll find that stillness and movement are put together to what I’ve come to see for myself as “holy ease” or “moving yet rested.” After being in my mind for years, I noted that I have to create; otherwise, I would go insane. That’s not putting it lightly.
You’ve likely heard that everyone is creative, and there are no exceptions. I’ve come to realize it doesn’t stop with writing or painting; it extends to your life. What are the pretty pictures you’ve meticulously and painstakingly conjured up in your mind about your life? The dis-ease and restlessness you’re feeling are because they haven’t been brought to life. Therefore, while it’s a phenomenal thing that you know who you are, you need to turn your reality into a canvas.
That’s where creating yourself comes in; it is bringing into the world the person you found. We have exaggerated images of backpacking around the world, becoming a foodie and sharing stupendously edited images on Instagram. While that’s no shade to anyone, especially if that’s your creation of yourself, that doesn’t ring true to everyone.
It doesn’t have to be grand. I’ll use my example. In my journey inward, I noticed that my grouchiness and moodiness was a direct result of lack of sleep. For a few more months I continued to give excuses why I cannot get in enough sleep. After a while longer, depression wrought by hard times found me. No one has to tell me anymore to bring the restful version I saw in my mind to life daily.
What is your small thing that you found about yourself but still need to bring to life?