Gaining Independence After Gaslighting
Gaslighting is the term that describes the time when someone tries to manipulate your emotions, your memories or your perceptions and overwrite them and it’s a very valid reason for divorce. It’s a form of emotional abuse, and most people don’t realise that they are being gaslighted while it’s happening to them. It comes in many forms and it’s usually so gradual that one day you are a confident, self-assured woman and the next, you’re asking permission to go out with your friends for fear of upsetting someone. It can look like someone close to you telling you that facts that you know happened never did, or that you’re exaggerating. It can be someone telling you that you are ‘oversensitive’ for your whole life, so you constantly apologise for your sensitivity, even when your feelings are valid.
In a relationship, gaslighting is dangerous. You feel paranoid most of the time, because you’re made to believe that you’re being “crazy” and you begin to question everything. This is the goal of a partner who is gaslighting you. They make you lose who you are as an independent, strong woman and they make you feel like you need them to be able to survive. It’s not a burden that any woman should have to carry, and while it is something that happens to men, it’s important for women to know that they can get out of a situation where they are being gaslighted. You can read this webpage for more information on escaping a marriage where you are being gaslighted by a partner. You can also check out the tips below for gaining your independence again once you break free from a toxic relationship:
Make Your Mistakes. You are a human. Humans make mistakes and the only way to fix those mistakes is to learn that it is okay to make mistakes. You’ve spent so long treading eggshells to never be in the wrong, to always be perfect, that you need to relearn that making mistakes will not end the world and won’t result in you being talked down to about it. You are allowed to make mistakes, learn from mistakes and try again.
Make Your Choices. When you spend a lot of time not being allowed to make choices through sheer manipulation, it’s time you felt a little free. You are no longer obliged to act perfectly. Make the choices that you want to make and savour the chance to make decisions for yourself in a guilt-free way.
Stop Asking Questions. The one thing that happens when a relationship breaks down and leads to divorce is that people question why this happened. The reality is that narcissists never believe that they are in the wrong, so for them, there is no answer to those questions. You will never, ever get clarity on why you were treated so badly because the person treating you that way believes that they’re in the right. One of the best ways to gain independence is to let it all go, move forward and feel content.
Gaslighting is abusive, scary and hard to deal with. You never have to deal with it and the sooner you know that, the sooner you can get out of your situation and get some help.